concerningBEREAVEMENT

What happens to us when someone close to us dies? For many of us, bereavement will be the most psychologically distressing experience we will face. The death of a significant person is a devastating loss. Everyone experiences grief differently and there is no 'normal' or 'right' way to grieve. How we react will be influenced by many different things including our age and personality, our cultural back-ground, our religious beliefs, our previous experiences of bereavement and our general approach to coping with loss.

Grief is the word we use to describe the feelings and reactions that we have when we lose someone we care about or something we value. Grief affects everyone: it is the universal reaction to loss. It is painful and stressful but also natural, normal and necessary.

We all grieve in our own way and in our own time. For some people this might mean crying, while others may express grief in other ways. For some grieving may last months or years while others may recover from loss more quickly. Reactions and feelings can change from hour to hour and day to day. Some people find these mood swings very frightening.

The way in which a person died may also have an impact on the grieving process: was the death by natural causes, an accident or suicide? Was the death sudden or expected? Could the death have been prevented if circumstances had been different?

Death is, after all, inevitable. When someone close to us dies we have to cope and adjust to living in a world which is totally changed. The person we love is no longer part of our world. We may have to let go of some dreams we shared with the person who has died or we may feel there are things we would like to say to the person but will no longer have the chance.

You may be reading this because someone close to you has died. The loss you are experiencing is unique to you and you will cope with it in your own way. Although bereavement is a very personal and often traumatic event, most people go through a range of recognisable reactions and emotions when someone they are close to dies.

Some of the most common feelings experienced while grieving include:

Shock and disbelief. It can take some time for the reality of the death to sink in. You don't want to believe that someone you love has died. The reality can feel almost too much to bear.

Loss. You've lost so much - the person, their love, their friendship, their companionship, intimacy, opportunities and hopes. And this loss may bring tremendous feelings of sadness.

Guilt and regret. You may feel guilty about things you said or did, or things you didn't say or do.

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